Every now and then I get a "Scrivener Blooms, all your poems are depressing and stupid. Stop being depressing and stupid, write something happy." Which you know, is not all that helpful. Have you ever looked at my emblem? It's not just a rose and a quill, it's a black rose blossom and a raven feather. That should tell you something right there. Furthermore, just because something seems sad and desperate and horrible... just because something is full of pain and strife and awfulness... doesn't mean it is. Sometimes, you have to look deeper. Sometimes you have to look past the outer layer, and gaze into what it's taught you. Life is a harsh mistress - almost as harsh as Luna - but that doesn't mean that you can't take anything away from it. Everything sucks, everything hurts. But you can learn from it. You can use it. No, I can't tell you magically how. But maybe this will offer a little advice and insight.
Hopeless
Scrivener Blooms
Oh, radiant joy, bright and happy:
Sallow sunny day in the unending blue sky.
I have lived for all my life in a world of
tranquility peace and joy.
All my life has been good,
Flower blossoms and sweet petals,
Taste of springwater in the happy days,
Touch of friend and family, always.
Never have I had to fight,
I know not if I strong or weak, for
Never have I had to test my mettle:
There has never been a test to rise to.
Always, I have smiled, grinned, laughed:
Never has a grimace crossed these features,
Nor tears slid down my cheeks that were not of joy:
What a life I have lived, always this, always this!
I have always been happy, now and forever,
I shall always be happy, now and forever,
I shall never be unhappy, now and forever,
I shall know only happiness, now and forever.
I pity the miserable, the pained, the sore:
They will never know happiness as I do,
And they will never live, day after day in good:
Sad and stray things, outside my bubble of peace.
Yes, I am happy, for now, forever,
And my happiness is all that matters, all I feel:
It is all I crave, and all I have ever known,
Like the air I breathe, familiar as my heartbeat.
This is my natural state. Serene, euphoric, needless.
I am never wanting. I never have to try, to push:
I have no need of strength, I have no need of skill.
I am happy.
Everyone else should be like me, always happy:
My blissful ignorance, where I need not worth,
Where I am unaware of sin and suffering,
Where I rest in my sanctuary, my bed of comfort.
I am happy, without need or compulsion:
With no reason to better myself,
Without empathy or sympathy:
Ad majorem Ego gloriam!
Friday 25 April 2014
Friday 18 April 2014
The Legend of Sol, Titan, and Morgan: The Lamb, The Wolf
The journey was long, but it gave Sol, Titan, and Morgan all the time they needed to get to know their allies. Sol tried to be accepting of all who had come to join them, and to treat them the same, but she found herself soon feeling aloof from all but her siblings. Yet she promised to try and keep the welfare of her soldiers in mind first, and not to think of them merely as pawns.
Titan was friendly with each and every one: every single pony that traveled with them, he came to know and call by name, and he would remember things that would endear most of the company to him, like the names of their loved ones and kin, or why they had joined them in this fight, or a thousand other tiny little things that made all the difference.
Morgan, however, could not find peace with the fact they had a Blood Seer traveling with them. She found herself not just avoiding him, but being hostile and rude to him. It was ironic, she knew, as her own powers were that of darkness, and ponies both loved and feared her for her skills as an assassin and shadow-killer. And yet all the same, no matter how friendly this Blood Seer was, she found herself feeling displeased with his presence, and she couldn't come to trust him.
On the other hoof, she also found herself being drawn towards a young, strong pony of the Holy Order: he was handsome and bold, although he yet had to be tested in the fires of combat. But many of his elders said he was promising, and that he already had a great grasp of magic: he merely needed experience and training, and for some reason, Morgan soon found herself offering to take him on as apprentice, to teach him both magic skills and the art of combat.
The young stallion was strong and eager to learn: some would almost say greedy. He bowed to her every order, and Morgan enjoyed molding him, teaching him, and the way he would listen so readily to her. How he locked every lesson away in his mind like some treasure, committing her every word to memory. He made her smile, and he made her feel strange and warm, in a way that her siblings did not.
Sol disliked this, but Titan encouraged her growing affection for the young stallion of the order. But even had her siblings both been against her decision, Morgan all the same felt as if she may have pursued these strange new feelings: they were welcome, and she was coming to understand that she was not like Sol, who was wise and disciplined and decided in her every move, nor like Titan, who had his own special brand of wisdom, and was always kind and compassionate in what he did. She was more passionate, more brazen, more brash, and more given to following her desires.
And what she desired was this young stallion, as student, as friend... as more, too, but she knew better for now than to rush into her pleasures with him. Instead, she only teased him and trained him and tested him, wanting to better judge him, to know more of his character. And she found that spending time with him and his brothers from the Holy Order also gave her a place where she could go and be away from everyone else, where she could feel connected to a community she had never believed she would be a part of.
But there would one day come a time when she would regret her decision to avoid her other allies, and spend her time and affections with this young stallion. For our eyes and hearts can deceive us at first glance, and make shadows out of sunlight, and see bravery where there is nothing but childishness and cowardice.
Titan was friendly with each and every one: every single pony that traveled with them, he came to know and call by name, and he would remember things that would endear most of the company to him, like the names of their loved ones and kin, or why they had joined them in this fight, or a thousand other tiny little things that made all the difference.
Morgan, however, could not find peace with the fact they had a Blood Seer traveling with them. She found herself not just avoiding him, but being hostile and rude to him. It was ironic, she knew, as her own powers were that of darkness, and ponies both loved and feared her for her skills as an assassin and shadow-killer. And yet all the same, no matter how friendly this Blood Seer was, she found herself feeling displeased with his presence, and she couldn't come to trust him.
On the other hoof, she also found herself being drawn towards a young, strong pony of the Holy Order: he was handsome and bold, although he yet had to be tested in the fires of combat. But many of his elders said he was promising, and that he already had a great grasp of magic: he merely needed experience and training, and for some reason, Morgan soon found herself offering to take him on as apprentice, to teach him both magic skills and the art of combat.
The young stallion was strong and eager to learn: some would almost say greedy. He bowed to her every order, and Morgan enjoyed molding him, teaching him, and the way he would listen so readily to her. How he locked every lesson away in his mind like some treasure, committing her every word to memory. He made her smile, and he made her feel strange and warm, in a way that her siblings did not.
Sol disliked this, but Titan encouraged her growing affection for the young stallion of the order. But even had her siblings both been against her decision, Morgan all the same felt as if she may have pursued these strange new feelings: they were welcome, and she was coming to understand that she was not like Sol, who was wise and disciplined and decided in her every move, nor like Titan, who had his own special brand of wisdom, and was always kind and compassionate in what he did. She was more passionate, more brazen, more brash, and more given to following her desires.
And what she desired was this young stallion, as student, as friend... as more, too, but she knew better for now than to rush into her pleasures with him. Instead, she only teased him and trained him and tested him, wanting to better judge him, to know more of his character. And she found that spending time with him and his brothers from the Holy Order also gave her a place where she could go and be away from everyone else, where she could feel connected to a community she had never believed she would be a part of.
But there would one day come a time when she would regret her decision to avoid her other allies, and spend her time and affections with this young stallion. For our eyes and hearts can deceive us at first glance, and make shadows out of sunlight, and see bravery where there is nothing but childishness and cowardice.
Thursday 10 April 2014
The Legend of Sol, Titan, and Morgan: Allies
To the surprise of Titan and Morgan, Sol had decided that they would not march their campaign alone. No, they were going to seek help from the Barons, and extend their reach to any and every pony who was willing to put forth the effort to aid them.
Morgan was both pleased and prideful: she was happy to have this chance to interact with other ponies, but at the same time, she was frustrated by the thought that they would have to protect and fight alongside ponies who were not nearly as skilled nor as capable as she felt she and her siblings were, and yet who all the same were going to act like they were the ones doing all the fighting and protecting.
Titan, however, was almost suspicious: he thought that Sol had good intentions, but too many times had he seen Sol abandon her good intentions, her positive means, in favor of something ruthless and fast that she would later justify by pointing out the ends it had achieved. But for Titan, a village saved was not worth sacrificing several families: even if naive, he would do whatever it took to protect innocent lives from being lost, no matter what danger it put him in.
Titan feared that Sol would go back to her old ways, and these allies she sought would suffer the brunt of her cruel decisions. It troubled him to think on this, but much of him wanted to give Sol the benefit of the doubt, and hoped that perhaps if she allowed herself to actually form bonds with these others - even if tenuous and frail! - then perhaps it would help her see why the ends could not always justify the means.
But neither sibling knew what to make of the allies that Sol ended up accepting the aid of: an earth pony with the powers of a Blood Seer, whom Morgan felt great suspicion for, and a group of knights from Canterlot's holy order, all young and strong and willing to give their lives for the cause. It was a start, Sol said, to forming the network necessary for their campaign to succeed.
Only now did Morgan begin to grow truly suspicious: she had suspected that Sol wanted a guide, or perhaps to take on these companions as a show of good faith to the realm, so the barons would receive them with less fear now that they were no longer shunning the agents of Equestria. Instead, Sol seemed as if she wanted to grow an army of soldiers, and Morgan could not discern what purpose this would serve.
Titan was more confused than suspicious: this was a strange gambit, even on Sol's part, even if he thought he was already beginning to understand her motives. But for now, he only smiled and nodded and agreed with Sol's plans, letting her lead the way, not wanting to reveal whatever surprise she had in mind before the time came. Sol kept her own councils, but he trusted in her wisdom.
And Morgan loved and trusted her siblings as well, so instead of questioning either of them, she decided to wait for now to see how their venture to Canterlot would play out, and what would await them there, now that they had such a strange and growing band in tow.
Titan feared that Sol would go back to her old ways, and these allies she sought would suffer the brunt of her cruel decisions. It troubled him to think on this, but much of him wanted to give Sol the benefit of the doubt, and hoped that perhaps if she allowed herself to actually form bonds with these others - even if tenuous and frail! - then perhaps it would help her see why the ends could not always justify the means.
But neither sibling knew what to make of the allies that Sol ended up accepting the aid of: an earth pony with the powers of a Blood Seer, whom Morgan felt great suspicion for, and a group of knights from Canterlot's holy order, all young and strong and willing to give their lives for the cause. It was a start, Sol said, to forming the network necessary for their campaign to succeed.
Only now did Morgan begin to grow truly suspicious: she had suspected that Sol wanted a guide, or perhaps to take on these companions as a show of good faith to the realm, so the barons would receive them with less fear now that they were no longer shunning the agents of Equestria. Instead, Sol seemed as if she wanted to grow an army of soldiers, and Morgan could not discern what purpose this would serve.
Titan was more confused than suspicious: this was a strange gambit, even on Sol's part, even if he thought he was already beginning to understand her motives. But for now, he only smiled and nodded and agreed with Sol's plans, letting her lead the way, not wanting to reveal whatever surprise she had in mind before the time came. Sol kept her own councils, but he trusted in her wisdom.
And Morgan loved and trusted her siblings as well, so instead of questioning either of them, she decided to wait for now to see how their venture to Canterlot would play out, and what would await them there, now that they had such a strange and growing band in tow.
Thursday 3 April 2014
The Legend of Sol, Titan, and Morgan: A Quest
Morgan had been longing for this day without even realizing it. For today was the day when she realized what her true calling was: adventuring. Protecting others, yes, but doing so for her own thrills, her own reasons, and her own pleasures as much as she did to protect those who were in need.
She did find it strange, though: Sol, after all, had brought them strange news after visiting a so-called oracle, and Titan seemed torn between worry and newfound interest at the change in their sister's demeanor. After all, even if she hadn't spent a long time with her siblings after being rescued from the cult, she still recognized that the Sol of then was different even from the Sol of now. And she harbored her own suspicions about her so-called family, but at the same time... even if this felt too good to be true, it also felt too good to turn away.
And doing things for other ponies, protecting them, made her feel even better. She didn't entirely know why, but it felt like she had always done this, like protecting the world had always been a part of her life... but at the same time, this felt different, purer. Even if sometimes she and Titan argued on what it meant to protect the world, whether or not they were judge and jury as well as defenders, they all agreed on the value of life, and that they had a duty to protect the innocent.
It seemed like Sol had finally come to agree with them on this matter as well, even if for her protecting other ponies had always seemed like a burden or an unnecessary risk. But Morgan, even if she wielded dark magic and darker-still powers, had come to believe her brother's wisdom about the world, that everyone deserved a chance, that not even criminals and wrongdoers deserved to suffer at the hands of other evils if those evils were not of their own making.
Although all the same, she had also adopted some of her older sister's temper: if ponies threatened her or interfered with her, she saw no reason why she shouldn't reply in kind. She believed firmly in retribution, and perhaps even revenge, although Titan was doing his best to coax her out of these crueler thoughts. Yet it was hard for her: part of her naturally responded to Sol, like she was a leader, a mentor, both a force to be respected and an authority to be flouted and circumvented as the situation called for it. Morgan loved her like a mother: someone she respected, admired, adored even, but wouldn't hesitate to sneak around with her beloved brother, if it suited her.
But for now, she was very happy to listen and obey: after all, Sol wanted them to take on some great quest to protect this strange land of Equestria. Sol wanted them to actually go out and help other ponies on their grand adventures: a thought that admittedly delighted Morgan. And more than that, she was gladdened by the thought that they would soon no longer be walking around on long, rambling ventures from one off-the-trail temple to another: instead, they were heading for Canterlot, for the crown city of this nation, where all the barons met to discuss politics and business matters.
She was excited to meet whatever adventures awaited her and her family there: perhaps this was what Sol had always felt, like she was pursuing some kind of dream, some kind of knowledge. But unlike Sol, Morgan knew that no matter what she found there, she would embrace it gladly, and rise to meet whatever challenges she found there. Maybe she didn't feel the need to discover her past or plot some great future for herself and the nation, but she did feel she needed to find a direction in her life, the kind that Titan had always spoken of... and this sounded like the first step towards discovering just that.
And either way, she was excited: this was the start of a real adventure, with her real family. What could possibly go wrong?
She did find it strange, though: Sol, after all, had brought them strange news after visiting a so-called oracle, and Titan seemed torn between worry and newfound interest at the change in their sister's demeanor. After all, even if she hadn't spent a long time with her siblings after being rescued from the cult, she still recognized that the Sol of then was different even from the Sol of now. And she harbored her own suspicions about her so-called family, but at the same time... even if this felt too good to be true, it also felt too good to turn away.
And doing things for other ponies, protecting them, made her feel even better. She didn't entirely know why, but it felt like she had always done this, like protecting the world had always been a part of her life... but at the same time, this felt different, purer. Even if sometimes she and Titan argued on what it meant to protect the world, whether or not they were judge and jury as well as defenders, they all agreed on the value of life, and that they had a duty to protect the innocent.
It seemed like Sol had finally come to agree with them on this matter as well, even if for her protecting other ponies had always seemed like a burden or an unnecessary risk. But Morgan, even if she wielded dark magic and darker-still powers, had come to believe her brother's wisdom about the world, that everyone deserved a chance, that not even criminals and wrongdoers deserved to suffer at the hands of other evils if those evils were not of their own making.
Although all the same, she had also adopted some of her older sister's temper: if ponies threatened her or interfered with her, she saw no reason why she shouldn't reply in kind. She believed firmly in retribution, and perhaps even revenge, although Titan was doing his best to coax her out of these crueler thoughts. Yet it was hard for her: part of her naturally responded to Sol, like she was a leader, a mentor, both a force to be respected and an authority to be flouted and circumvented as the situation called for it. Morgan loved her like a mother: someone she respected, admired, adored even, but wouldn't hesitate to sneak around with her beloved brother, if it suited her.
But for now, she was very happy to listen and obey: after all, Sol wanted them to take on some great quest to protect this strange land of Equestria. Sol wanted them to actually go out and help other ponies on their grand adventures: a thought that admittedly delighted Morgan. And more than that, she was gladdened by the thought that they would soon no longer be walking around on long, rambling ventures from one off-the-trail temple to another: instead, they were heading for Canterlot, for the crown city of this nation, where all the barons met to discuss politics and business matters.
She was excited to meet whatever adventures awaited her and her family there: perhaps this was what Sol had always felt, like she was pursuing some kind of dream, some kind of knowledge. But unlike Sol, Morgan knew that no matter what she found there, she would embrace it gladly, and rise to meet whatever challenges she found there. Maybe she didn't feel the need to discover her past or plot some great future for herself and the nation, but she did feel she needed to find a direction in her life, the kind that Titan had always spoken of... and this sounded like the first step towards discovering just that.
And either way, she was excited: this was the start of a real adventure, with her real family. What could possibly go wrong?
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