Sometimes I Wish I Was A Fish

That title is probably not very helpful in figuring out what this post is about, because I really don't like fish all that much. I might eat one. Luna says she used to eat fish all the time but I don't know if I believe her. But okay, so I don't wish I was a fish normally, but if I were swimming, I think I'd wish I was a fish. Likewise, whenever I see Luna draw, or look at the paintings on the wall, or... you know, smear ink all over my parchment and pretend it actually looks like something... I wish I was an artist. And even when I'm writing, I think to myself: "Why can't I do this better? Why can't I achieve... something?"
I've got little ambition, sure. But that doesn't mean I don't still want things. I don't still yearn, or think of what I'd do if I had all these capabilities. But I was reminded of something today: wishing gets you nowhere... and sometimes, when you try and do something, you fail miserably. You fail horribly. And sometimes, even when you succeed, it doesn't matter to anyone or anything. I think about when I was published, and no one thought it was anything special. Well, until... no, that's a story for another day.
So wishing sucks, failure sucks, sometimes even winning sucks. But if none of that matters, what does? The attempt, that's what. Stepping forwards with all your grit and determination and just goddamn doing something, even knowing full out this could all go to hell, that maybe no one will care, that this could be all for nothing. But you can still applaud and take pride in all the same stepping up to the plate, having the raw courage to get off your ass and out there, into the world. Charging headlong into possible catastrophe... at least you tried. How many people would actually do that these days? And how many people will sit back and hide away and never do anything and probably sit around bitching about how they never do anything but wish they could, while at the same time mocking and cursing the people who actually... you know, do manage stuff. Not that I'm not one of those ponies, of course. Luna and I can both be pretty bitter. Although now that there's all kinds of monsters to beat the crap out of I actually kind of find myself happier these days.  I think Luna's made me sadistic. Well. More sadistic.
In short, sometimes I wish I was a fish. But I shouldn't, because it's stupid to wish I was a fish. I'm a pony. And even if I'm a pony floundering my way through a river really badly, at least I'm trying to swim, and have no real reason to be jealous of that fish swimming so perfectly beside me.
Unless I drown.
Then that would kind of suck.

~Scrivener Blooms